Firstly – big fan. Really, love your work, keep it up, and if the next album could be a little more like the Illinois album and less like Age of Adz then that would be awesome.
You’ve pissed me off.
See, you’re coming back to our great country – going “Down Under”, as it were – later this year, and I’ve noticed you’ve made a small omission on your touring schedule. You know, since it contains one city out of the several possible concert-holding destinations we have to offer.
I know, I know, being a fairly brilliant musician is hard, right? And though you have an infinite number of managers, publicists and booking agents at your disposal, they can’t possibly be expected to get it right every time, can they? Which is why you get a free pass on this one. I, like the rest of your fans, can wholeheartedly forgive you. The Opera House is a great venue and an iconic piece of Australian architecture; you’d be mad not to perform there. Performing there twice – which you are – I can also understand.
Performing there twice and nowhere else is just plain cruel.
Please don’t feel bad – it’s not just you. Radiohead did it, too. Except where you missed off a good, oh I don’t know, SEVEN possible cities, Thom Yorke and Co. ditched just one. I think you can guess which one. It’s like, “Well HA! The only large venue at your disposal is a ginormous airlock with a non-existent acoustic! And we don’t have to play there if we don’t want to, because we’re stupidly rich!”
Kanye’s now infamous and significantly fanless because of his decision to come, and then change his mind. Except Radelaide missed out, too, so we can’t feel too bad. (Or maybe we can, having been lumped into the same category as possibly the most uninteresting State in the nation).
But I think your betrayal hurts the most. I’ve never met you (I’m sure a meeting can be arranged if you like) but I imagine you’re actually one of the nicest guys in the industry right now. And the internet’s 99 per cent convinced you’re a gay man, which probably means we’re destined to be the best of friends. So I’m sure this whole “Let’s do a half-assed Australian tour” thing is just a big misunderstanding. Granted, Perth’s the most geographically isolated capital city in the world. Half the people who live there don’t want to be there, so why should we expect you to make the journey? Speaking of, it’s at least a four hour flight from everywhere and about the only attraction it has is the Bell Tower (we don’t count that) and the cultural centre (kind of makes up for it).
SAY, there’s a thought. An outdoors gig with a stage sandwiched between the State Theatre Centre and the Library. I bet your fans would love that.
Maybe you could double with Kanye and Radiohead to make up for lost time.